How to stop (over) worrying
Consider this: A client applied for a job. And then spent days worrying about “How could have I have done it better?” She continued: “This thought went into my heart and caused an overload of self –blame: I wish I had taken more time to reflect and Why do I always do this?”
Uncertainty is the biggest driver of worry. We can drive ourselves crazy waiting for a medical report, going to the airport, waiting for the cake to bake or the myriad of events. The mind in the absence of an answer “Is this a tiger?” launches an all out self -protective assault. It begins to seek certainty via policing our moves!
Another trigger is “fear of failure” –we want to ensure 100% success and no room for “making a mistake”. Perhaps over worrying is a way to fix what we perceive is a “lack of”. It is a strategy devised to keep the “tiger in the forest at bay”. Perhaps our mind is over preparing to see the tiger before it sees us first.
The impact of over worrying is quite extensive. In my life, it made me anxious and fearful.. And there was an overall lack of balance in my life as the feeling led me to seek comfort from others and lose confidence in myself.
While there are many factors for this kind of self-sabotage – I think there is a common factor that we perceive a “lack” in our self. (the tiger), Our system is geared to rescue itself and coping mechanisms are deployed. Over worrying is a coping in response to fears of lacking an ingredient that helps us to stay resilient.
Physically, over worrying will dampen our biological system. The nervous system reacts to the constant inner talk of scrutinising and is hyper-vigilant by releasing those hormones of stress. Our thoughts become cyclical and our behaviour is geared to handle the stress. We overwork. We overinvest. We micromanage. We begin to look for flaws to fix and problems to solve. We feel attracted to people and their problems.
What is the solution to this? In the absence of certainty and perhaps some valid experiences of “Thank God I checked”, how do we relax in a self-trusting mode?
Name the feeling: Instead of sliding into an inner escalation of tension – create clarity and honesty. Acknowledge those painful feelings. Name a few. When you acknowledge your feelings, you will rest in a place of true inner connection.
Don’t judge: Feel what you do without rescuing yourself. Don’t disconnect and deny.
Accept those feelings:– you are human and it’s Ok. Understand that you feel this way and listen to the message of this emotion. For e.g.: you might fear being rejected if you don’t get the job.
Challenge your fears: A simple question – is this true? How true?
Create a space.:Whenever you catch yourself over worrying, create a pause. When we are stressed, our brain releases stress hormones. It takes a few seconds and then it releases them again. We can shift out of this by creating a happy experience. We can relax our body. Take a few deep breaths. Hum a song.
Change your physiology: Tune into your posture of worry. And expand into confidence. Perhaps you carry worry on your shoulders. Or jaw. Release these muscles.
Come to your senses: Sharpen your senses by focusing on the sounds, sights and smells of the room. Take 5 minutes
In the long term, build your core emotional muscles. Our thinking patterns are supported by our emotional stickiness. We can resolve the painful emotions behind the worrying thoughts. A life Coach can help you to understand these emotions and develop new worry free ways!
I have gone through a period of intense worry. I worried about everything. It took many months to interrupt it and change into a more relaxed pattern. But when you face the tiger and make friends with “it”, then life became a beautiful place to breathe.